Back to Life

I woke up around 4 AM. I thought about you a bit, well a lot, then watched another episode of House.

I sat in the balcony for the first time ever since I moved in to this studio of mine, smoked a ciggie then went back to bed.

I woke up again around 7 AM, wore gym clothes then went out for a quick run – the first time I do it in my life.

I am devoting some time lately to discovering good music. I am currently playing this album non-stop since yesterday.

My online life is getting better, I’m managing to lessen my promises. Not feeling guilty about it.

The most important thing that is going on in my life is that I am back to drawing. The last time I picked up a pencil was in 1999.

The second important thing that is going on in my life is that my heart is beating again, my stomach hurts when I think about him, but I am not sure if I want to “live the moment,” again. I thought that’s what I wanted.

I can’t write about 2013. I can’t write about the five months I spent in Beirut in 2014. I feel that putting the words out there would not do my feelings justice.

Gaziantep is a quiet city, I like it. I hate that it’s a men’s city though. But I feel it’s a place where you can flourish as an individual. There’s nothing going around, not many bars or nice cafes, but full of restaurants.

So you can be creative about spending time here. I am buying myself a bike soon. I want to devote sometime to writing and reading.

I loved running this morning, I’ll try to do it daily, might help me quite smoking.

I’ve changed. So much, the past three years. I am now getting more freaked out about cleaning, organizing, health, skin, bills…I forgot worrying about tomorrow when I was in Syria. Now I feel I am worrying about tomorrow too much.

I am in healing period, recovery, restoration, and looks like it will take a longer time than I expected.

Off to work. This is me encouraging myself to blog.

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