Oh I Would Love to Dump You, Syria

Why oh why, I don’t care about you, Syria.

I don’t. I sincerely don’t. About its men, women, gay or straight people. its submissive or its courageous people. Its prisoners of conscience or its enemies or its leaders. I don’t understand what is it exactly I feel about you. I mean I don’t really hate you, obviously I don’t like you, but why do I follow your news so much? why do I feel excited when my reader mentions your name? like hey, I know this place better than I know any other place on this planet. Like I have the feeling, that because I know a lot about you, I have this illusion that I care about you, or even that we are related. But see, we’re not related. See here at this very point that I just wrote, I wrote so many sentences then I deleted them. Not because I want my sentences to consist with each other and actually make sense to the readers, but rather, I don’t think I am writing what I truly feel. I really don’t know how I feel about this space called Syria.

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The Making of Heroes and Enemies

Palestine (nation) is constructed by its defender.

Some believe Palestine will be back only if we destroyed Israel, how original.

some believe that the one-state solution is the only solution that would guarantee Palestinians’ rights, oh that’s me by the way.

some dont approve of the right of return, and they happen to be non-palestinians who have a say on that matter only because they’re “pro-palestinian” or “academics”.

and some are pro-palestinian and anti-hezbolla. please madam, define hezbolla?

and who are these people? they are the lebanese diaspora. diaspora doesnt mean that you should be living in another continent, you can be living 300 meters away and be foreign to a one single moral adopted by Hezbolla which speaks a lot about the ethics of Hezbolla as a community: a promise is a promise.

here in Achrafiyeh, in Hamra, and other “liberal” and “open minded” areas in Beirut and in lebanon where they’re proud of their French and English, but not of their Arabic, five Lebanese who fought for self-determination were considered criminals. they are considered criminals in a segregated society in lebanon, and in a segregated world. what do i mean by segregation?

in a sexually segregated society, a male becomes exotic to a female, and vice versa. but thanks to a world where sex is sexualized, they will always try to reach each other, via healthy means? nop, not at all.

unlike in syria, beirut’s society is not sexually segregated, it is rather ideologically segregated, and i did not use the word “sectarian” alongside “segregated” ’cause i think sectarianism is an outcome and not a cause to the lebanese problem. and it is an outcome in the sense that it is constructed by politicians and Europeans to be used to control the masses.

back to segregation, in an ideologically segregated society a group will only meet, live, process itself apart from the potentiality of being exposed to a total foreign thought and a foreign idea, and that’s how racism, sectarianism emerge in a materialistic, economically controlled world.

living for 3 years and a half in achrafieh, i meet amazing people everyday, who despise hezbolla and the people of hezbolla just like some people in other continents in the world who never been to the south, do.

it’s all about our spacial context.

its easy for southern lebanese to hate achrafieh people, and it is easy for the latter to hate the former, but for me, i cannot hate anyone who i’ve shared good memories with.

because i am living on my own, meeting everyone, i had the chance to process a lot of systems i was brought up with.

i am no longer syrian, i no longer believe in these nations, nor in any belief systems, including atheism, not in bombastic slogans Arabists go on baffle me with, seriously, humans are pathetic creatures struggling to belong to an idea they constructed it themselves. to a system they want to be forever comfortable with.

justice is not an idea, it is a meaning.

hezbolla is an idea, Kuntar is an idea, neither are heroes, nor evils.

so far i can’t see no justice in the air.