I’m here to participate in a conference, I arrived today and here I am enjoying one of Antalya’s cafes by the sea. The local beer is good. The waitress is hot, very short hair, the way she walks, she’s avoiding eye contact, she’s shy maybe.

Turkish women are incredibly beautiful, it’s kind of scary. And they know it.

I have a workshop to facilitate the day after tomorrow and I am still confused about what exactly I want to say.

Anyalya is so beautiful, it reminded me a bit of Homs, small city, organized buildings, wide streets, except you can see women in the streets.

I’ve seen a lot of mothers in this cafe, maybe because it has a children section. One girl fell and she started shouting in Turkish, she started crying when her mother saw her falling down, I think she was saying: “it hurts! it hurts!”.

I like the waitress. I like Antalya. Thank god we’re not in Istanbul, I hated that city very much. It was designed for tourists, Antalya is tourist- friendly but I love how nobody here speaks English. I am using weird body language to communicate, and people find it amusing. Nice people, people of Antalya.

I hated their airport though, I had a fight with them, their security check is humiliating, and everybody was obsessed about my hat, like I am hiding a bomb there or something. Assholes.

I thought the plane was going to crash, actually I was prepared to die. The captain was funny, the plan would move on and on on the side, and there was a moment when the plane moved fast that I thought this is it, I am going to fall on the sea, I am going to stop breathing as I am falling from the sky and onto the sea. I won’t be able to shout cause the scene is so scary. people are shouting around me. If I ever make it alive in the sea, I thought, I am going to save the children and the baby cat. The cat’s owner is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life. Dark skin, fair hair, green eyes. Amazing body, but I won’t save her, I am sorry but I am more sympathetic with children and animals than pretty bodies.

I think the Asians at our plane were Japanese, and I was to say to them “Baka”. But a couple of them were whispering about the Hezbolla sign I attached to my backpack. What a turn off.

So yeah, dying, been thinking a lot about death than usual lately. Isn’t amazing, that one of humanity’s biggest fears is death, yet I am fantasizing about it on my way to a nice gathering?

I know why I like death, and why suicide is an interesting concept. I hope I can explain my thoughts about it one day.

I can’t believe I am writing again on this stupid blog.

Anyways, gotta start preparing for my workshop. Jana!

5 thoughts on “Antalya

  1. Rima says:

    Razan, It feels good to be back here reading your posts, your on-line presence has been deeply missed.
    Good luck with your workshop, and have a safe trip back home :)

  2. Dee says:

    It’s good you’re writing again, cuz I like what I’ve read so far ;)
    And it’s a good thing your plane didn’t crash, because we got the chance to meet you :)

    Waiting to read more…

  3. حسين غرير says:

    حمد لله عالسلامة وترجعي بالسلامة كمان.
    رزان، مدهشة نرجسيتك لدرجة إنك بتمارسيها تجاه مدونتك :)
    مع خالص ودي

  4. Sujatha Umakanthan says:

    Razan, good to read your latest post. Hope your workshop went well :) I read your lines about suicide; I have always been fascinated by this as well – what others would see as a macabre interest, I can only interpret it as something that needs to be understood to appreciate life. I once read Udo Grashoff ‘s “Let me finish” – a collection of suicide letters – it is heartbreaking to read the words of these people on the last leg of their painful journey.

    God bless you !!!

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